Monday, August 31, 2009

This is Jen, being honest and open.

I was contemplating posting about this, but then I remembered an email I got from a friend that reads my blog. The email basically went along the lines of...thank you for sharing, I'm glad you're so honest, and it's nice to know that I'm not the only one that struggles with running. Obviously not verbatim, but basically just thankful for my candid honesty.

Folks, as my blog title reads "No one said it was easy", it's not always, in fact, sometimes it sucks! Just plain and simple, sucks! Don't get me wrong, I still love running, but I still get those moments where I hate, hate, hate it!

Saturday was one of those days...

I was scheduled for a 90 minute run. Right now I'm running for time, and I set distance goals, but ultimately the time is the most important. My goal was to hit 7 miles, the longest I've run since my half marathon in February. I was planning to run outside. Friday night I mapped out a 3.5 mile loop, charged my Garmin, and drank plenty of water. Not wanting to wake up too early, I set my alarm for 9:30. I woke up, drank a glass of water, got ready, filled up a water bottle, got in my car, and hit the road.

I just woke up a little off, but tried to get myself in a good mindset. When I parked my car, I was uneasy, but once again, tried to shrug it off. Having the map memorized in my head, and the turns/streets written down on a little piece of paper, I was ready to go.

One thing you hould know about me, that would help explain this, is that I am horrible with directions. I realize many people say that, but I'm awful! I study maps, I write down directions, I've tried everything, I'm just bad at it. My brain doens't like directions for some reason. And when I don't know where I am I get very stressed out, almost panic-y type stressed!

Anyways, I got lost. Luckily I brought my running pouch and put my iPhone in it, so I stopped my timer, and pulled out the iPhone. Not only was I lost, but the streets I was supposed to turn on were NOT on the iPhone. I still don't even know if the roads exist, but to me, at that point, they did not exist. Believe me, I had some choice words, yelled allowed, at the road makers, city planners, satellite picture takers, everyone! I was lost, and I was stressed.

Trying to calm myself I thought about my options. I could keep running, but then how would I get back to my car? What if I run, get even more lost, and can't find my way back to my car? Unfortunately due to the heat, having hot water at that point, and the fact that I was so stressed, I called it a day. That, of course, made me more pissed!

I ran back to my car, the run lasted 20 minutes and was 1.5 miles long. Not good, in fact, it was very, very bad!

Honestly, at that point, I felt like s###.* I went home and broke down. I felt like such a hack. Like How could I run outside if I got lost? and What kind of runner can't even run outside? At that point, I was ready to quit. I was ready to tell running I was done. I didn't care that my next half marathon was only 6 weeks away. Luckily my wonderful boyfriend, and love of my life, assured me that I was a runner. So what if I had a bad run? He also reassured me that I said these same exact thing and felt the same exact way before my last half marathon.

Sometimes I still get in the funk. I can't run 5 miles without stopping. Honestly, 2 miles is hard for me. I'm slow. I still have weight to lose. Sometimes I don't feel like a "runner".

Luckily, Sunday, I had an awesome run! It was just what I needed. I woke up at 6:30 to beat the heat, brought a water and GU2O, and hit local track! I wanted to run outside, so that's what I needed to do to make it happen. The text I sent to my boyfriend after my run was: "7 miles. 90 minutes. 12:48 min/mi avg. 821 calories. I {bleebing}* rule." In which his reply was: "Awesome! You're a badass."

So there, that's it. That's me being open and honest. I don't ask for sympathy, I'm fine. I don't mean this to be a complaining or even venting session, it's just me, and my love/hate relationship with running.

I hope this helps someone out there that may be feeling the same way.

* Sorry if my bleeps or !@#$ offend you. I know it's not "lady like" as my Texan friends would say, but I tend to have a potty mouth in intense moments. I'm a very intense person, and sometimes in my frustration, anger, or even excitement I curse. So I really hope it doesn't offend you! I'm just keepin' it real! ;)

4 comments:

  1. Wow. It's like we were sharing the same brain... go read my post today. I'm with you... sometimes I hate running too. Don't let the bad days get you down girl, you are doing great! Kick Negative Nancy's @ss out your head and keep on trucking!

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  2. GOOD WORK!! I stinkin hate getting lost, that happened to me on my 16 miler in Spokane I ended at 14.5 once I found a spot I knew. UGH..

    Keep going! And cheers to great boyfriends!!

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  3. I too am terrible with directions! Way to go on the Sunday run.

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  4. Love your blog! I'm a new follower. :) And I love your potty-mouth, badass!!!

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