I don’t like running anymore.
I don’t know what it is. I can’t pin point to any one event or run, but something broke in my brain. It sorta switched off.
How long has it been like this? Since February…my last half marathon actually. I don’t know if that’s the reason why or if something else happened, but it’s not fun and hasn’t been for over 4 months.
Thinking this was going to be just a phase (it happens!) I signed up for my first marathon. in Chicago. Yep, I signed up, booked plane tickets, and reserved hotel rooms…that’s how confident I was that I would be back to normal and loving running again.
Well, that was 4 months ago, and I still don’t like it.
Sure, there are days where I enjoy my run, but that doesn’t mean that I’m looking forward to the next run.
I was so envious of all of you who do race after race after race. You’re always training, so I thought I needed to be like that too. I figure there were two types of runners.
1 – the runner who runs a few miles here and there to stay healthy. They aren’t so much concerned with pace or distance really. They get their 2 miles in 3 times a week so they can enjoy beer and the occasional bowl of ice cream.
2 – the runner who is always training for a big race. They often consume the month or two between a marathon with 10ks just for kicks. They plan their life around the long run and are constantly concerned with their pace.
I didn’t want to be the first runner. Don’t get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with the first runner, but I wanted more. I wanted the thrill of the race. I wanted the plan. I wanted the consistency of knowing I’d log a certain number of miles each week because I was training.
Well, I’ve also proven that I no longer want the second runner either. I don’t know how some of you do it. Especially people who have kids…geez!
I’ve burned myself out.
Since I started running in October 2008 I’ve always been training for a race. I’ve never once been able to go out and run just to run. I’ve always been concerned with pace. It is a mental battle just to allow myself to stop and walk.
I had breakdown last night and almost called Chicago off. How could I do it? How could I possibly run 26.2 miles in 16 weeks when the longest run I’ve run since February was 4 miles? I wanted to do it. I wanted to be able to say “Yeah, I ran a marathon”, but I had absolutely no desire or will to do what it took to get there.
My fiancé and I had a really good discussion about it. (Have I mentioned that I’d be lost without him?) He assured me that I could do this. He actually said “I have no doubt that you can do a marathon!” He went on to say, but you have to be willing to do what it takes to get there. You have to decide if this is something you want to continue to pursue, and move forward.
Well, you’ll be glad to know, that this is something I want to do. I’m not a quitter, and I will be running the Chicago Marathon in October.
I’m sure I’ll need you’re help along the way, but I’m doing this! It’s sink or swim time, and I’m one who thrives on pressure, so, I’m sure I’ll be great! I'm hoping that if I stick to this plan the love for running will come back to me!
Below is my training plan. Please note that this summer is crazy for me with trips and work meetings planned, so some of my long runs are jumbled around.
Edit: I’ve made an adjustment since I posted this (yes, just 2 hours ago). Two of my favorite girls (also running Chicago) Bananas and Toast and Psychobabbles of a Running Fool suggested I plan for some "rest weeks" so my body can properly recover from the extra miles. Below is the new plan...including the link in case you want to view it in a spreadsheet -- Thanks ladies! :) (PS - this was modified from the Chicago Marathon Training Program)
Any other suggestions you have, let me know! I’m all ears!
You can view the excel spreadsheet version here.
So today, I will be running 4 miles, like it or not!