Thursday, April 12, 2012

The Girl In My Reflection


I don’t want to say that I’ve struggled with weight my entire life, because I don’t think that’s accurate.  I can say however, that weight has been in the forefront of my mind for as long as I remember.  Looking at photos of myself as a kid, I was definitely not fat.  None of the kids were fat back then.  That was before highly processed foods for breakfast and video games after school.  I wasn’t fat, but I wasn’t one of the skinny kids.  Never was.

I was often singled out as a young girl.  One of my earliest memories, I was made fun of for falling.  I was probably in first or second grade.  You see, there was a huge divot in the asphalt on the playground.  Almost like something was sitting on it when it was drying.  It was there for years, but one day I fell on it on accident while playing.  A few of the girls started laughing at me and pointing out to the other kids that I was so fat I made that divot in the ground when I fell on it.

Yep, that’s one of my very earliest memories.  Shitty, huh?

I didn’t tell you this to feel sorry for me.  I told you this to paint a picture.  You see, as someone who was made fun of throughout my childhood, the image of myself as an adult was effected.  Greatly.

It’s funny, because I’ve always (or for the most part) portrayed myself as confident.  And I am.  To a degree.  I’m confident in who I am and what I stand for.  That, my friends, is because my parents raised me that way.  Thankfully!

What I haven’t been confident about was how I looked.  Even when I was actually thin, I still felt like the fat kid who made divots in the asphalt.  I’ll be 27 in 2 months and I can honestly say that I have NEVER felt 100% good about the way I looked.  EVER.  I could sit here and blame The Mean Girls, but in reality, there comes a time when you need to buck up and take responsibility.  Sure, might make it harder, but still – I’m responsible for me.

I’ve been on Weight Watchers and working with a trainer for about 7 weeks now.  I’ve lost 12.8 pounds.  And have gained an entirely new version of me.

I caught a reflection of myself and had to do a double take.  I didn’t even recognize what I saw.  I looked like me, but different.  For the first time ever, I saw me.  The real me.  Not the girl who was picked on about weight.  I saw Jennifer.  I saw the fighter.  I saw the lover.  I saw the woman who is taking charge and making a change.  And let me tell you, it was nothing short of AMAZING!

Start Weight: 191lbs
Weight Today: 178.2lbs
Goal Weight: 145lbs
Weight Lost: 12.8lbs
Pounds to Goal: 33.2lbs
Height: 5’8”

2 comments:

  1. Sugar, with your spirit and your talent you are making a divot in the WORLD with your contributon!!!! LOVE your attitude and enthusiasm!

    Keep up the hard work!

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  2. too funny that I stumbled on this today of all days after I posted my last post. So this was a great encouragement to me, thank you. I am at 217 after baby, my goal is 150ish or less if I can do it....I was 260 after baby, this being my fifth after 8 years, having four others and getting down to 170 before I got pregnant with this last one. I don't know why I am telling you this......but I am hoping to be where you are at some point soon:)

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